#140 May 20.

#140 May 20.

Life is boring. Its dullness cuts to the bone. It leaves no taste in my mouth,
no smile on my face. It flows from day to day without changing. I feel no pain
or pleasure. I see only a constant shade of grey. All these philosphical
rhetorical thoughts make me sick. Words mean nothing to me anymore. Is it
possible to be passionately bored? Sad movies no longer jerk the tears from my
eyes. The bright rays of the rising sun no longer soothe my face with their
reassuring warmth. Everything is a task, nothing is new. The music that once
inspired me only mocks me now, its beat has become redundant. The VCR clock has
stopped ticking, and I see nothing but reruns every day. I can back no cause
and feel no allegiance. Political issues are just two-sided jokes told by red
in the face egotistical bastards who are only interested in hearing their own
voices. So I too sit here alone and selfishly listen to my own voice, shutting
all others out. There is a certain safety in apathy, a certain comfort in being
alone. I am a coward, and until I decide to reach out and become a player in
this strange game surrounding me and take the risk of losing, I will never win.
I will walk alone in life and wallow in cynicism and self pity, and the warmth
of the sun will never reach within me.

-ucw