#149 May 29.

#149 May 29.

I imagine one of the most soul destroying experiences an individual can
go through is the condition of not fitting in, being continually aloof,
never really connecting with any other human beings, except in brief
fleeting moments of misunderstanding…… Being an Outsider, in the
true sense of the word, is a condition that eventually leads to a
complete numbness, and a cyclic apathy interspersed with intense
frustration. Every interaction is an effort, a carefully studied
system, a perceived failing, or a meaningless greeting. In moments
of high energy when the frustration builds, attempts are made to escape
from the ditch, but like a car stuck in the mud, no matter which way you
go, or how hard you try, you dig yourself further in…….. You then
look back into the past and wonder, why? Why does it happen to you, and
not all the other people out there, who seem to have lives to lead and
things to do, and places to fit in? But, there’s no one to blame,
nothing to point the finger at, except life itself and chance happenings
on the way. Living in a city, a massive monument to meaninglessness, can
be more hellish than the depths of space, although I’ve never been in
the depths of space, so I suppose I can’t be sure……..

-John O’Doherty

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