#180 June 29.

#180 June 29.

So can anyone describe how one survives after you’ve felt unbearably old
for so long? There are actual adults here, right? Do you have an
answer? I doubt I can have one. When I’m in a good mood I have nothing
useful to tell myself when I’m not.

I’m still more or less headed towards failure, but still not
irretrievably. I could fix it. I could get the rest of my evil evil
evil homework in, and meanwhile get that project done, and get my job’s
work done and get a better job. And then just (?) one more quarter and
I’d be out of this hole.

… if! A very tired, very forgetful, unstable person like myself
getting all those things done in a row? Don’t bet on it! Bet heavily
against it.

Old, old, old. Not old, not old, not old. Stupid. Not really.

Too tired and lazy to live. No argument. Too defenseless against
real life to live. No argument.

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