#194 July 13.

#194 July 13.

First time I started feeling down and completely unmotivated was right after
school; I was wondering whether all the plans I had made for the future were
“right” (in terms of being successful one day – whatever that means- ,
achieving all the goals I had set for myself). Also, I had this constant
fear of missing out on something… that I wasn’t making the most the of
present.

Within a year life became a nightmare – I had a hard time enjoying myself,
became a loner – good therapy when you’re depressed 😉 – all my basic skills
of socializing were gone. When depressed, you not only tend to torture
yourself, but in addition you become surprisingly good at pissing everybody
else off, too.

But I believe there’s one good aspect about severe depressions: spending
all that time “inside” my mind gave me a chance to reflect upon all the
things of the past – although, at times it seemed almost impossible to
acknowledge and/or accept them – and wonder about the “meaning of life”
(DON’T EVER DO THAT – IT ONLY MAKES THINGS WORSE !). But wanting back my old
life and the way I used to look at it, I had to take the initiative. Talking
to my friends and parents helped me a great deal – now, I truly appreciate
peace of mind…

-carsten

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