#294 October 21.

#294 October 21. it is a seminal fact of my life that, no matter what i do, i’ll never be good enough for what i want. i’m not good enough to have a boyfriend. i’m not good enough… Read More

#293 October 20.

#293 October 20. today i went to a job interview. oh, it wasn’t much of a job, just part time janitor work in university dorms, but it was something. in an area with 11% unemployment, something is better… Read More

#292 October 19.

#292 October 19. It’s called regression to the mean. If you are so low that you can’t go any lower, there is nowhere to go but up and since you have no expectations, something good is bound to… Read More

#291 October 18.

#291 October 18. Low expectation -> something good happens -> renewed hope -> excitement about the future -> disappointment when nothing happens -> despair -> low expectation -> something good happens -> renewed hope -> excitement about the… Read More

#290 October 17.

#290 October 17. The Sioux say the Trickster is smarter than any human. They say the Trickster can’t be defeated by the likes of a mere mortal. But I think that’s exactly my mission in life. To render… Read More

#289 October 16.

#289 October 16. The older I get, the more convinced I am that my life is being determined by the Trickster of Sioux Indian lore. So many situations with the same cycle: apathy -> hope -> excitement ->… Read More

#288 October 15.

#288 October 15. i’m a very suicidal individual by nature; it’s almost like a control game within my own mind. if i retaine the ability to end my own life, then at least i have complete control over… Read More

#287 October 14.

#287 October 14. anyway, frarority boys going around in their preppy little sweatshirts, PKE, AKE, X, AE, EN, nice brand there fella! Is that so frarority gurlz know who not to screw? and daintly little frarority girls in… Read More

#286 October 13.

#286 October 13. Nothing is ever simple for me, like, for example (surprise!) relationships. Thousands of other guys have no problem, they hit on some babe, whammo, next thing ya know they’re screwin’ the chick, and they repeat… Read More

#285 October 12.

#285 October 12. So I had a rough day. I mean a really rough day. I mean a fall down on the bed and cry actual tears day. It was really stupid, too, ‘cuz it was all because… Read More