#161 June 10.

#161 June 10. it is pointless. there is no reason to go on. there is no reason to live, except to be utterly perverse and basically say “in your face” to a universe that doesn’t give a fuck… Read More

#160 June 9.

#160 June 9. So, life is meanignless, I’m just a chemical engine, and I’m completely alone in the universe. Why do I bother? Why get out of bed in the morning? (Or afternoon, or evening, or whatever.) I… Read More

#159 June 8.

#159 June 8. I go to the bathroom. I look in the mirror. The woman who stares back at me looks frighteningly like my mother, all gussied up in a silk dress, hair “done,” earrings dangling down her… Read More

#158 June 7.

#158 June 7. The true failure is the inability to kill oneself. BTW, I’ve had a healty, working, satisfying relationship for years, and the universe is still a uncaring place, life is still completely meaningless, and the human… Read More

#157 June 6.

#157 June 6. > The person I thought most likely to succeed in life had opened her veins in a > bathtub when she was 16. But she did succeed. She figured out what’s going on, and took… Read More

#156 June 5.

#156 June 5. so what’s the fucking point? do i really want to spend the rest of my life in the past, grasping at memories to reassure me about the future? how much of a future can you… Read More

#155 June 4.

#155 June 4. I often recount tales of total morbidity, but I can’t remember the old rolling in the hay bit, out in the countryside sketching horses or whatever. I can simply remember being in very dark streets,… Read More

#154 June 3.

#154 June 3. The school system offers me to do stuff I’m not interested in, and the work system offers me to do stuff I’m not interested in. It’s a no win situation, and I’m going to hell… Read More

#153 June 2.

#153 June 2. On the very brief spasms of employment that I had in the past it always seemed to me there were moments of the day when I would realize that I was here working with people… Read More

#152 June 1.

#152 June 1. I find the world very grotesque and absurd. Sometimes it’s funny, but most of the time it’s pretty damn depressing. -Neugamme