#234 August 22.

#234 August 22.

I despise my job and have no respect for the people I work with, yet I feel
panic when I think about losing the salary, health benefits, use of phone, laser
printer, Xerox, etc. Then I feel guilty for being a weasel. Then I feel
resentful because even in weasel mode, I operate more efficiently than 99
percent of my fellow employees, and produce better results (top management’s
assessment, not entirely mine). Then I feel guilty and loser-like because I
didn’t go for a better company in the field when job hunting six years ago.
Nobody there has an inkling that I hate them, only because everything functions
more smoothly when you don’t give people a reason to hate you in return. Then I
feel hypocritical. My wife asked whether I was OK when she heard me, again this
morning, chanting “I quit… I quit….. I quit….” in the shower. I didn’t
even know I was doing it.


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